How to spot a FAKE uptown Jamaican Guy

We here at The Haute Lifestyle like to be in the know and we recently saw an article going around Social Media and thought it was ludicrous! Sooo, we decided to write something even more ludicrous! Jamaica is one of the iriest Island with some (not all) of the hypest bruk pocket people that we have categorized as  the "FAKE Uptown guy"Don't come for us as we're just calling it like we see it and this is all in good fun!. If you want to know how to spot a FAKE Uptown guy, keep reading.

The FAKE Uptown Jamaican guy is a unique species as he is not even from uptown. Nope, he is usually from one of the other rural parishes in Jamaica who have made his way to Kingston for school or hopes of a better life.

Dan Humphrey ( Penn Badgley) and Serena Van Der Woodsen ( Blake Lively) - Gossip Girl
Think of this guy as the "Dan Humphrey" on the scene, he is an outsider who made it his duty to know everyone, their secrets and how to be a part of their world while still appearing nonchalant. The fake uptown guy will wear the same all black or all grey outfit all the time to every event and he will simply add a watch, hat or scarf to make it appear that he has several outfits.

All black outfit
The FAKE Uptown Jamaican guy does not have a nice house or apartment to call his own so instead he conveniently "rents" an apartment with several other friends and frequently talks about how he saves a ton on rent by getting room-mates ... yeah right! He is also the loudest in the room at every social gathering as he was not brought up as a well bred behaved man so he is just loud for no apparent reason as he forcibly tries to exude confidence.

More room-mates = less rent
The FAKE Uptown Jamaica guy does not own a car of his own (usually a luxury vehicle like real uptown guys ) but instead takes a "cab" everywhere he goes or waits to hop a ride from his real uptown friends. His excuse for always taking a "cab" is that it's cool and trendy and is the preferred mode of transportation in New York! How would he know this is the preferred mode of transport in New York if he doesn't have a Visa? Nope, he travels quite frequently to the Bahamas and watches episodes of Sex and the City and sees Carrie and the girls going about in yellow "cabs".

The "Cab" life is the good life 
The FAKE Uptown guy always has the latest phones and gadgets from which he got from a relative overseas. When he's in a public business place like a bank he must speak on top of his voice to let everyone know how busy he is, how much money he is about to deposit and collect and of course there must be something about a high end party later for which he will be poppin' crazy bottles.

Do you do any of these? Then you have been spotted ... as a FAKE Uptown Jamaican Guy.

Look our for more stories from me ... just call me "Bad Boy Marcus"


Twitter: @hautepeople
Instagram @haute_people

Join our Site:


1 comment :

  1. hahahahhaha! Can't tell you how much I enjoyed this. you gained a sub!


Copyright © Haute People. Designed by OddThemes