I started blogging relationship topics in 2012, almost a year after getting married. My aim was to allow myself to think the topics through thoroughly; so I can improve my own marriage, and maybe help another couple in the process. My first confession, somewhere along the course of writing, I secretly thought I was a relationship guru. This hit me after realizing I was commenting on most relationship related statuses.
After really listening to my husband the other night, the sad reality really drove home. I was NO relationship guru; in fact if I don’t make changes soon, my marriage might end in divorce. So I am putting this blog out there, as a reminder to myself. Yes, while he needs to change some things, I forgot I need to make changes too.
I Communicate Poorly
Even though I have blogged about the importance of communication in relationships, I guess it was meant for everybody else and not for me. I pledge from this day forth that if something is wrong I will say it. I will stop dropping hints, expecting his “clairvoyant super powers” will figure it out. I need to remember to watch my tone when I speak to him. He should not feel he is about to dive in deep waters, if he needs to talk to me about something that bothers him.
I have Difficulty Picking my Battles
I accept now that not all issues are worthy of a fight. If I continue to fight about every minor thing, I might jeopardize my chances of him listening, when major ones arise. Picking unnecessary fights is not becoming of a professed relationship guru.
I Don’t Criticize Constructively
If I don’t get my act together my relationship can die. My way is not always the correct way. So, if he does something differently I will let him. As long as what should get done, gets done. I must also remember to keep my emotions under control. Criticizing with tears still doesn’t change the fact that my way is not the only way. If I continuously undermine his way of doing things, maybe eventually he won’t do them at all.
I have a bad habit of pointing out what he is doing wrong and almost completely forgetting to praise him for the things he does right. I can only imagine at this point how much happier he will be around me if I made this change. HHMMMM, will he be more willing to listen to me? One thing I know for sure being a nagging wife is not cute, not cute at all.
It’s Hard to Accept that Children Changed our Relationship.
I love my children dearly, no doubt about that! But I find myself looking back in the past at our relationship before them. I have not accepted that these loves changed the relationship dynamics. My eyes can only see how they changed the relationship for the worse. Seeing that my “Love Language” is quality time, I find myself getting jealous at times when they take up so much of my alone time with my husband. From this day forth, I will pray more about this issue. My prayer would be to accept this change, and that we will find new ways to make our relationship thrive.
Confessions are never easy. But after putting these issues down on paper, I feel much lighter. I guess the phrase “confession is good for the soul” has some truth to it.
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